Sorry for your loss. Its a bitch.

I have a unique perspective on this. I got cancer about 3 years ago, then thought I had “beat” it after my rounds of chemo and radiation. Shortly thereafter my wife got cancer. Now I went from the “me” of having cancer to the “we” of her.

I have to say her cancer was harder to deal with than my own cancer. I was fine with mine. I could handle that. Her’s was different — it had a completely different impact on me, harder emotionally.

I respect your “we” but its not the same being the caretaker as it is being the caretakee.

My wife too “beat” her cancer with surgery.

Damn if mine didn’t come back (metastasize) next. Two years later I still have it, still “fighting” it. I’ve moved on and to me having cancer, and getting treatment (immonotherapy trial) is like brushing my teeth. Its just somethjing I do. Something “we” deal with. I deal with it completely different than my wife. Regardless, it impacts both of us together.

Thanks for sharing your story, and honoring your wife.

PS — as a cancer patient, I’m not a fan of the “fighting” or “battling” analogy many seem to use. It’s a worn cliche that minimizes the true nature of what is going on, for both the person and the cancer. To me, I’ve experssed the cancer itself as the perfect storm of Darwinian life. Cancer genes are perfect examples of “survival of the fittest”. We, me, are this often unwitting and eventually unwilling host who doesn’t really have much say in the matter. What I say to cancer is this — do what you may, I’m still going to be me, you can break me but you can’t beat me. There is no battle. I don’t need to fight you, there is no fight to be had. To hell with you, I’m going to live my life-the one I do have.

Now I tend to live that day-by-day rather than regret yesterday and worry about tomorrow.